From the Moment we are born, we are surrounded by people who will love, nurture, and take care of us. We are social creatures that thrive, learn, and grow off one another…
However we live most of our lives alone with our thoughts, cursed by the constant chatter in the scowl. When its all said and done, we take our last breath, the lights go out, and in that Moment all we have are ourselves.
Learning how to be alone is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do…. and I haven’t really figured it out. I drift between days of unfathomable sadness and anxiety, to days where I’ve never felt better about myself. Waking up alone, knowing that its just you, and its all on you is one of the most empowering feelings there is. However, it is certainly terrifying.
Living four years of my young life in a relationship gave me so many beautiful memories and experiences… but it also gave me a lot of weakness, and a lot of doubt. When you have someone loving you, supporting you, and patching up the insecurity that needs to be filled. You start to develop a crutch with that person, and you lean on them instead of fixing your own problems. I am no stranger to this…
Now here I am, alone naked and afraid, with nothing to lean on except my own ego, desperately trying to swim upstream against the current of regret. My thoughts fight against me, while my body begs me to return to a place of familiarity. Memories are bittersweet, and seeing your face brings me to ecstasy… but what comes up, must come down.
Love is one hell of a drug.
When your on the good side of love, theres nothing really better. Passion, trust, lust, and bunch of laughs will make you forget even the worst parts about love. The fights, the insecurity, the tears, the pain, and the lonely nights staring up at the ceiling wondering when you’ll text back. Words can barely begin to describe how good, and how bad love can really feel.
But all the love in the world can’t help you if you don’t even love yourself.
Self love is the most important thing there is. If you can be comfortable alone, with your own thoughts, look in the mirror and say “yeah… I like that person” thats when can grab the world by its horns, and dictate how you want to live, love, and be loved. Until you love yourself… how could you possibly love someone else.
This is no easy task, I’m BARELY scratching the surface, figuring out things about myself that I had no idea even existed. It sucks. It sucks bad, but at the end of the tunnel, when you’ve found yourself, you will open your eyes, and realize that all that darkness… was all in your head.
If you are feeling hopeless, I promise that you aren’t alone. We are all just trying to figure out this hectic life, navigating our own thoughts and insecurities. We slip and we fall, shit I’ve failed three times this week alone. You are allowed to fail, it’s okay not to be okay, all that matters is that when you fall… You get the hell back up, because you are worth it.
Be kind to yourself, because at the end of the day… You’re all you got.
Thank you for reading, as you can tell I’m going through it… but I’ll be okay, just like you, all you gotta do is Remember To Breathe, And Enjoy Your…